If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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