theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
