Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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