tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
