Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Randomize
