I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
