Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
