thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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