ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
