Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
