He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
