My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
COCAINE IS GR8
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
