At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
