but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
