the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
