I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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