I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
