I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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