the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
