so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We are two peas in an std pod
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
