slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
