Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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