The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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