I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
