it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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