where does the pee come out of this thing
cat food counts as protein by the way
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
