At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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