Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me