Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk

  (678): View more from Georgia

  discrete masterbation is a lost art

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  (770): Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk (678): discrete masterbation is a lost art http://tfl.nu/z067
  Replies (32) Good night (730) Bad night (2771)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend

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  (515): If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/8ovo
  Replies (37) Good night (742) Bad night (3175)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

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  (313): hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots? (734): nope, you were tallying rejections at the party http://tfl.nu/c1is
  Replies (8) Good night (1137) Bad night (6022)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.

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  (902): Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza. http://tfl.nu/scf8
  Replies (10) Good night (5805) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.

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  (502): if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords. http://tfl.nu/tyuw
  Replies (9) Good night (967) Bad night (3190)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her

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  (912): I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her http://tfl.nu/j3sh
  Replies (9) Good night (3434) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong

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  (330): he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong http://tfl.nu/36h0
  Replies (3) Good night (1001) Bad night (1754)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.

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  (901): I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking. http://tfl.nu/t4jf
  Replies (11) Good night (4982) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences

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  (303): We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences http://tfl.nu/lf6j
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.

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  (503): I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature. (503): Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true. http://tfl.nu/zw1q
  Replies (3) Good night (1456) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drinking loves me for WHO I am

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  (905): Drinking loves me for WHO I am http://tfl.nu/nlm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1217) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.

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  (701): I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/y1uj
  Replies (0) Good night (326) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Happy Fourth.

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  (843): I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night... (843): Happy Fourth. http://tfl.nu/0uin
  Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.

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  (276): Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well. http://tfl.nu/93p0
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.

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  (707): Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old. http://tfl.nu/gi35
  Replies (5) Good night (263) Bad night (644)

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