the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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