I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!