just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
