for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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