hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just cropdusted the office
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
