She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
