happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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