Will you blow on my dice?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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