Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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