My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
