That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
