i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
