How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
