I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
