Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
