I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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