How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize