I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
