Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
