I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
