I looked at my own cervix.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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