So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
