It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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