Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
