I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
