I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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