When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize