you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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