Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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