After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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