When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She bit a glass in half.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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