I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
