did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
