its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
