...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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