these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
